do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
