you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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