I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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