PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
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I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
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I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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