What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
