she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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