I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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