Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
