Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
