She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
third nipple confirmed
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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