There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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