Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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