I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
