Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I think my fart just growled at me.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
