Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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