I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Fuck appropriateness.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
They took my balls.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
