No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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