did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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