i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
