franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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