she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
