She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
