dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
