So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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