i just wanna soil my oats bro
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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