and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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