He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
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