I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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