I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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