I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
