he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
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