I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
