guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
