Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
