I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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