That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
