I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
