i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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