a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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