thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
