I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
