My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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