I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
