Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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