my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
