I wannas sexs uuuuu
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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