so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
