Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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