I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
