Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
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That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
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I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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