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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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