Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins