No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have