Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
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no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
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I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.