I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
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Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
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Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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