we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
