did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
