well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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