I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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