you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
