there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
