I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
