i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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