Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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