I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
