I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
