a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
