Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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