i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
