I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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