paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
