I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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