Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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