During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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