his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
