you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
